the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
