i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
