When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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