If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
