HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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