the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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