Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
