Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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