I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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