i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You're a waste of cheezeits
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
