Do you still have your period?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
