OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
