Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
ok first of all what the fuck
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
