Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My cat gives me a boner
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
