We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
