woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
