is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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