i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
