Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
