What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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