I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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