he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
