70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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