I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
