Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
