In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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