Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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