u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
