So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
