She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
