Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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