Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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