windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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