no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
