He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
