shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
