Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
