I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
