Soap is not a condiment
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize