these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
