So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
