Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
