Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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