I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
