When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
