don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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