Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
