I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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