Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
