Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
