Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sext me about skeletons
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
