I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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