as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
