I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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