Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
