i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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