DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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