You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
