exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
