Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
