You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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