I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
