Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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