I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
