so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
