My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
